People who are really AP or really even a little turn me off a lot. I just can’t deal with someone selling reassurance from me. It’s just really unattractive for Jesus took naps be like Jesus shirt. Everyone has their downside and DA is easier to cope with for me. If someone needs some time alone, it’s not really a huge deal to me and they don’t even really need to tell me, I can figure it out and just kind of keep myself busy with my own life/friends. It’s a lot easier for me to cope with DA behaviors during emotionally stressful times than AP behaviors.
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But when someone is using a lot of deactivating strategies, it gets to the point it’s disrespectful – like “phantom ex”, cancelling plans at the Jesus took naps be like Jesus shirt, lying to explain why they haven’t texted in days, saying they’re too busy with work (only when they’re acting strange in other ways too, when things are good they are never too busy with work to respond). Why did I stay when even this was happening, even though I knew it was making me miserable? I was already really emotionally invested, and when they weren’t using deactivating strategies, we really got along great and were a good match wrt values, goals and sexually.